you're the last thing my heart expected
by weloveuntilwedie
Summary: "He confused her a lot, like about how she felt about him and how he could make her feel so happy after Santana and about how he wouldn't have sex with her." / Four times Brittany wants to have sex with Sam and one time they actually do. Brittany/Sam, t for suggestion


"_who'd have thought i'd ever find somebody,_

_someone who someone who makes me feel like this"_

x

For as long as she can remember, people have called her dumb.

She knew she wasn't though - but because of that - she was even smarter. People let her see things they thought she would never tell, told her secrets they were sure she would keep. She did all of those things - not telling and keeping secrets - but not because she was dumb, but because she was a good person and a really smart one. She was an unicorn.

She was just really confused, about a lot of things, all the time, but that didn't make her _dumb_.

She got things others didn't like disney movies and cats and the importance of dancing - but there was one thing in the entire world she thought she would never get.

Sam Evans - a blonde, eighteen year old boy with huge lips and an adorable smile and really cool impressions that make her laugh and forget the pain in her heart.

He confused her a lot, like about how she felt about him and how he could make her feel so happy after Santana and about how he wouldn't have sex with her.

He was confusing.

x

The first time she tries is right after they get together.

It's snowing outside and they just had dinner with his parents and now they're upstairs on his room. She presses her nose against his window and looks at the snow. She thinks it's pretty amazing that when when the clouds cuddle they form tiny, tiny flakes and they drop down the sky and leave the prettiest mark on the earth. Like their cuddles couldn't be more beautiful.

He told her he had always had a thing for her, and he always knows the right thing to say, to cheer her up and he's a blonde like her so he totally gets her and her love for songs about cups, and he's a guy. Guys like sex, right? Because every time she had sex with a guy they always smiled at her after and she likes Sam's smile so much she wants to see it, again, all the time.

So when he moves to sit next to her in his window seat, she puts her hand on his thigh and kisses him, long and slow and he kisses her back before he pulls away and whispers, "Fì'u sevin lor."

She giggles and leans her head on his shoulder, temporarily distracted from what she was trying to accomplish, "What does that mean?"

"This is pretty beautiful," he smiles against her head before placing a kiss on her temple and pulling her tightly to him.

"I like it when you talk Mexican, it's really cute," she takes her head off his shoulder and looks up at him, once again moving her hand up his thigh. He takes her hand in his and intertwined their fingers, kissing the back of her hand.

"It's Na'vi, it's from Avatar. Do you want to watch it?" He smiles and she didn't even take her shirt off yet so she agrees, wondering if this is some kind of new boy thing as he puts on the movie and they sit down on his bed. He pulls her close and she waits, five, ten, twenty minutes but he's still not kissing her and for the first time in her life, watching a movie with a boy is really just that.

See, it's all just really confusing.

x

The second time is right after they got married and he tells her she's hot and smart and she's his soulmate and she just kind of feels really funny in her chest and she just, feels like he should be rewarded for that - for making her feel so funny and nice and happy. And since the world's going to end soon anyway, why not?

So when he's in the bathroom she takes off her shirt and gets under the covers, counting the dots on her ceiling as she waits for him. She can't believe the world is going to end so soon and that this might be one of the last times she gets to lay in this bed and count the dots on the ceiling.

He crawls under the covers with her claiming he has cold feet as puts his arm around her and rests his chin on her shoulder. She turns around so she's facing him and starts kissing him, puts his hand on her bare side and her own on the side of his face. She makes her kisses extra desperate, letting him know she's willing to do this because he's been so, so nice to her.

"Brittany," his voice trails off as he pulls away and she doesn't even blink twice, just kisses him again.

"I want to," she states, leaning in but he sits up and so does she. He smiles at her, a little sad and a little happy, and they don't have sex, but instead, he pulls his shirt over his head and lets her wear it as they watch every disney movie in his collection, huddled close under the covers with a flashlight and translation book in hand for when the aliens come and later, when they're not really dead and married she's kind of sad because what if he doesn't ever want to marry her for real?

x

Her fourth or third (or whatever comes after two) time trying to get into Sam's pants is after the Sadie Hawkins dance. She thinks it's finally time because boys and girls have sex after dances all the time - it's in all the teen movies and two years ago she had sex with like three guys because they all really liked her and they wanted to and she couldn't chose.

She knows normally the guy hires a hotel room and takes her there but this time she figures she needs to be a femme fatale or whatever it's called when you really like being a lady but per se being with one and she tells him to drive her there.

She opens the door and immediately starts kissing him, leading him over to bed in one swift movement as she fall back onto it, taking him with her. At first he kisses her back but then he stops and just looks at her. It's really weird because it makes her stomach all weird and stuff, like things are flying or stomping around and for a second she's worried she accidentally swallowed an insect.

"You're really beautiful," he tells her, kissing her cheek and then the corner of her mouth.

"Thank you, you too," she answers pulling his face back down and kissing him on the lips.

"I have a really cool idea, it's kinda like Star Wars cool," he exclaims excitedly after pulling away and brushing her hair behind her ear.

He takes her hand and pulls her up as he starts jumping on the bed, laughing and so does she. She can't really not laugh when this is so much fun.

In the morning when she wakes up, an empty bottle of champagne at her feet, feathers in both of their hair and twelve or twenty plates of room service spread around the room she's actually kind of happy they did something else besides sex - because this? This was so much more fun!

Confusing, too, because she used to really like sex and everything that came with it and did it all the time and now she's learning that with Sam she can really just do other stuff, too, which is kind of new and different and _great_.

x

The fourth (she looked it up) time she gets really angry at him because she's never been this confused in her entire life and she's worried that he might be attracted to other girls or boys or maybe he's just hanging out with her for Lord Tubbington or he's attracted to chairs and desks and stuff. She saw a documentary about that on TLC once, so maybe he's one of them. She just doesn't know and it's so, so confusing.

It's after the wedding and like a week ago Santana almost tried to kill Sam for being with her so she just wants to thank him and tell him she's happy to be with him, too because she doesn't really know how to say it.

They're on his room and being extra quiet because he still lives with Finn and Kurt's papa and mama and she really doesn't want them to walk in. What if they want to join or worse, want them to stop? She kissing him and they're both half naked when he stops her and damnit, he always does this!

"Do you not want me? Because you can just say so - you don't have to treat me like I'm a dead bird in your locker," she exclaims as she starts looking for her clothes.

"It's not that I don't want to, Britt, I do, really bad. I just - _can't_," he puts his hand on her arm, his eyes pleading for her to understand.

"You don't have a penis?" She asks him, confused as she stops putting on her shirt.

"No, it's not that. It's because you're special to me and I want it to mean something and I don't want you to think that this is all about sex," he sighs as he sees the confused look on her face, "Look, I had sex with a girl during my summer away and it wasn't great at all and then I had sex with some other girls and it took me a long time before I realized it wasn't the sex itself that sucked because I had sex with like another stripper so she must've been really talented but it wasn't about the sex itself, but about the person."

Brittany nods her head and she kind of understands because the only time sex really felt different to her was with Santana and sometimes it was hard to think she could ever have that back - or with someone else.

"So this time, I want it to be meaningful and I want it to be you," he adds quietly as he plays with hands nervously before looking back up at her. She sighs sadly before laying down on his bed and pulling him down with her, putting her head down on his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"Goodnight."

"_Nga nìhawng_."

She smiles against his skin and doesn't try again that night because she wants it to be special, too.

x

The fifth time it's two weeks after the shooting while they're taking care of their babies, Lord and Lady Tubbington.

"Do you think they'll make puppies anytime soon?"

"I hope so," he replies as he pets Lady Tubbington as she is spread out on Brittany's bed. She knows he secretly likes her more but she doesn't ever say so because she understands. Lord Tubbington has done some crazy things like being in a gang and smoking and doing xtc and he even reads her diary which is kind of mean since she's supposed to be able to trust him. She kind of likes Lady Tubbington more, too, because she's hers _and_ Sam's.

She kneels down next to his position on the floor, brushing her shoulder against his. "We should keep all of them. One time I read that cats can get up to eight puppies, but that's okay. I've always wanted a big family, even if it's fake."

"But it'll be good practice," he nods as he starts petting Lord Tubbington now, who just climbed upon her lap. "For when we get our own babies."

Lord Tubbington bites down onto Sam's fingers and he winces as he pulls his hand back. "Bad kitty!" Brittany tells the cat as she picks it up and puts it down outside of her bedroom before turning back to Sam. "Are you okay, baby?"

"I'm fine, he didn't bite that hard," he replies, getting up from the floor and Brittany looks over at Lady Tubbington, who as if on cue, starts to meow.

"You want to give me attitude? I will show you attitude!" She picks up the female cat and puts it outside, too. "Equal treatment for men and women, that's called autism, respect yourself, girl."

"Britt, are you okay out there? Or did they attack you, too? Do you need help?" He jokes before doing an impression of James Bond, getting up to help her, "007 reporting for duty."

"I'm sorry," she leans down, whispering and pets her, "But mommy doesn't want you to watch her and daddy while they cuddle."

She closes the door, turning to look at him before pulling him towards the bed.

"Britt," he asks amused, as he sits down next to her on the bed, "What are you doing?"

She kisses him firmly, determined. "I love you, Sam, and you love me, and I really just want to see your abs and touch them like all the time, so I think it's time."

"Time for what?" He raises his eyebrows and she smiles a little.

"_Mowan_," she answers happily, finally having found a use for yahoo. At first she thought it was just there so google wouldn't be alone, but it turns out it also knows how to translate sex into Na'vi.

He smiles and she kisses him again, already pulling his shirt over his head. "I put them outside because I wanted to do this," she tells him, running her fingers over his toned abs as he wraps his arms around her.

He laughs so hard they fall over on the bed and he turns onto his side like her, so they're facing each other. "They'll understand."

"I'm going to be such a bad mom," she laughs a little and he shakes his head, leaning over to kiss her. "No, you're going to be a great mom _and_ a great wife. I'm sure."

"I'm Brittany," she tells him in response and he laughs and it feels so _special_ to not be laughed at but to be laughed with. He starts placing kisses on her mouth and cheek and then moves to her neck, his hands on her waist.

It isn't any different than she used to do before with other guys but it feels different and really good different. It was definitely worth waiting for.

It's not until later, when he's asleep and she's tiptoed across the room to let the cats back in before crawling back into bed and laying her head down on her chest, that she realizes Sam Evans wasn't that confusing after all, and he wasn't dumb either - he was just smart and special, just like her.

x

"_even hearts like mine,_

_get lucky, lucky sometimes"_

x

**song is some hearts by the amazingly talented and adorably cute carrie underwood! no flames because you don't like this ship, please. don't a be a bitter hag! brittany and sam are just my otp, bro, i can't help it. a review would mean the world :)**


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